While sitting on a log by the ocean, I was pondering my life, and a new insight shined upon me.
The OCEAN
If it could talk, what would it say…
I am powerful, loud, and serene; I continually dance.
I move breath with the energy of life within me. I give, and I take. With the rapture of my soul, I glide upon the sand, then pull back into the whole body of water to which I belong.
I intrigue people to ponder, to be grounded, and to think deeply. With each new wave that crashes against a rock and soars high into the sky, carrying its white splendor, I give people new breath, wonder, and solitude.
The mass of my body is beyond measure. I am "Living Waters."
Finding Balance in Life …
Still Pondering;
I was deep in thought about a family event that was coming up that night. We were getting on a boat to cross the ocean bay—a 45-minute boat ride!! There was a dinner and a show to be seen, and all my family who were with me were going. However, I was not excited about this boat trip, and 99% of me wanted to stay at the hotel and welcome them back when they returned!
I had pondered two other times I had stepped forward onto a boat upon the ocean: Deep-Sea fishing and another time in the San Francisco Bay on a dinner boat cruise. Both times, I felt deathly ill and swore I would never ever get on another boat in the ocean or the ocean bay again!!
Now, it’s been years and years, and I have never stepped foot upon the deck of a boat with ocean water beneath it!! Why? I have been holding that emotional connection or experience for a very, very long time!! I wanted to ensure I would never “ever” forget it and make that mistake again. Every time I re-lived that emotional experience, it was as if I was there. I would start to feel sick and definitely “NOT” feel in control.
Now, here is a keyword for me, “In-Control!!”
I cannot be in control when I am not on solid ground. And you can take that however it’s worth! But, for me, danger lurks beneath dark waters… be it physical or emotional.
Thoughts getting louder;
The time is getting closer, and I am starting my back-and-forth conversation, “Do I go, or do I Not go? Do I go, or do I Not go? That is the question I always ask myself when I’m not feeling in control or composed.
Creeping in;
While I was in deep conversation with myself, another thought timidly entered my space, which completely stopped the conversation I was having with myself!!
It ruffled my feathers for a moment, but I decided I would allow it to speak. It could be a new perspective, a new idea, and it was!! The thought was, What if I took the time to ponder the thought that I had written earlier that day about the ocean, which moves differently than the earth? The earth is more grounded, while the ocean is more fluid.
Allowing that thought definitely helped me to feel a little more in control, but I always have to be in Control. Just maybe it’s “Time to think outside the box.”
So ... I thought for a moment, could I still be grounded with the movement that the ocean has to offer? Could I give new breath with each new wave? Could I intrigue wonder instead of fear?
Could I dance with the ocean?
What should I do?
What if I let myself move with the Ocean? What if I moved effortlessly, swaying side to side, up and down, back and forth like a dance while smelling the Ocean breeze and being one in the moment!! Could I possibly be OK with that?
Still pondering;
So, I decided to try it one more time. With that thought in mind, I told myself again that if it didn’t work, this would be the last time…
Listening;
Listening, to my intuition, my inspiration, helped me to make a new choice, a choice that gave me freedom to move forward again.
I was still afraid, but the fear was not as strong because I allowed myself to see the other side of fear, which made all the difference in the world for me.
The Ocean dance charged my lungs. I could breathe deep and then let it out with each new swell that moved up and down and back and forth. I just let myself move with it. It was so peaceful, not fighting against it, that it almost lulled me to sleep.
The fear had passed, and solitude had entered my soul. I will always remember this experience when I tried to hold too tight to something that needed movement differently through my body and emotions.
What If?
What if, is a new part of my movement in life going forward.
“Choices in life can sometimes hold you back. It doesn't allow you to find that space of wonder, the inspiration that we need to find the new parts of us, the joyful and playful parts, and the healing parts that are all waiting patiently for their turn.
What will it take for you to find the balance in your life?”
Debra Rudd